I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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