I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
