last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize