Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
