I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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