Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
