It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize