my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
