You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
