All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
