i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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