I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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