she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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