I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
