pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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