i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My penis needs a shock collar
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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