Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
