My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
