my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
