Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
