Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
