how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If its not for food we ain't going out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
