theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
