This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You coming home soon, man?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.