You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.