that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
