Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin