i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house