Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic