He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.