Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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