So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
