I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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