I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
