Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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