Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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