Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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