I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
MIDGETS
????
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
