Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
