im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize