Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
