I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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