Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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