so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
