what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
