this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
