bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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