but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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