I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
