I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
