He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
