Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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