I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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