The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
