Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And then he peed in my hair
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