Soap is not a condiment
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
