I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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