I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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