There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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