It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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