i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
