just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize