I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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