Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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