I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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