Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
