Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
