Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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