just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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