I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
