How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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