if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
