i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
