does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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