Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
